Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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