really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
