I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
