There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
