I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
