I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
