I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
