Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My ATM looks so different sober.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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