why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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