Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
