I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize