from now on my penis is your penis
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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