Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
