If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
