we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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