I want to have your abortion
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
