I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
there is puke in my bra ... again
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