So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
