my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
