Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
