if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
