I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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