it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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