whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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