Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
