He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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