He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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