i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
