I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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