If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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