so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
