And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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