Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize