You smell like stripper and shame
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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