We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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