is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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