Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
