Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
