Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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