Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
