Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
