I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize