remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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