I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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