dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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