laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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