All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
