Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
