I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
