We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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