It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
