I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
