so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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