So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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