she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
