I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
