Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
