What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
