Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You need Xanax blowdarts
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
