She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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