8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we made out on top of his cat.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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