Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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