I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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