wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
