Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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