Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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