i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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