i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
3pm strippers are depressing
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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