We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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