go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Your mouth is God's brothel.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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