we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
