i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
