it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize