Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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