I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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