my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
