the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
