I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize