Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
