dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
