was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize