neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
