She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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