By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
