Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize