Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize