So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
