Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
