I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
