Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
