accomplished twins. life is a go
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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