So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
