he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
