Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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