it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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