Dual....:-)
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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